A Short Introduction to

The Complete Theory of Sheep





Professors R. Price and A. Nathan

THE COMPLETE THEORY OF SHEEP

1. THE CAUSE OF PRECIPITATION BY SHEEP

It is believed that sheep are responsible for the production of precipitation due to the rising to the heavens of a sheep's soul after its death. Upon reaching a certain altitude (dependant on the current atmospheric sheep-soul density) the sheep's soul will form a cloud. Precipitation is then caused when the sheep-soul density rises to such a high extent that the clouds 'burst' and the sheep-souls fall to earth as rain or snow(1). The exact type of precipitation depends on the nature of the sheep that died, for example a good sheep's soul will fall to earth as rain due to its warm heart but an evil sheep's soul will fall to earth as hail or snow(2). A Liberal Democrat sheep's soul being somewhere in the middle will fall as sleet.

2. MIST AND FOG

Mist and fog are believed to occur following the death of a large number of sheep (known as a sheep massacre); this is due to a massive increase in the atmospheric sheep-soul density at a low altitude causing spontaneous low-level cloud creation.

3. REINCARNATION AND COTTON WOOL

As explained in (1) above a sheep's soul will at some time return to earth as a form of precipitation. This precipitation can be considered to be reincarnation as it is used by the Cotton Wool Plant to create new sheep i.e. the sheep's soul is re-born. Cotton Wool is similar to a bird's egg - an unfertilised egg remains an egg whereas a fertilised egg grows into a bird, this is identical to the way sheep and cotton wool are formed as cotton wool is merely the unfertilised form of sheep.

4. THE BIRTH OF CHICKENS

As is well known sheep may shed their wool at various stages of their life, this is in fact the shedding of parts of its body considered no longer suitable for continued life as part of the sheep, i.e. it is rejected. These parts of rejected sheep will, when they become concentrated enough, form a small fluffy chick which will grow into a large chicken.

(1) This shows that the reason that there is so much rain in Wales generally and specifically in Blaenau Ffestiniog is due to the large concentration of sheep i.e. there is a high sheep density. Compare this with Australia where although there is a higher number of sheep they are spread out over a large geographic area, therefore the actual sheep density is very low. It has been suggested that the rainfall in Wales could be reduced and increased in Australia by deporting a large number of sheep.

 

(2) The solidity will depend upon the psychological strength of the sheep i.e. a weak sheep's soul will fall as snow whereas a strong (well 'ard) sheep's soul will fall as hail (the harder the sheep - the bigger the hailstones). From the comments in (1) above it is suggested that it would be more beneficial if evil sheep are deported as it may help reduce the higher average temperature.

THE SHEEP LIFE CYCLE